Friend

I'm not a good friend because I am not a good communicator.  

I never know what to say and am a slow correspondent.

I am not very funny, or not courageous enough to share something that might be funny.

I am quiet, and people sometimes don't even hear what I say, or perhaps they are ignoring me.

My stories and ideas must be quite boring, because I am often interrupted.

I'm not good at giving gifts because I don't like giving someone a gift unless it's the "perfect gift".

I'm not good at the social games and graces, the fake compliments, the how-do-you-do's.  I'm more likely to say that the weather is glorious, and I'm not just resorting to small talk.  I really do think the rain is wonderful.  

I so want to be friends, that I probably come across as a fake.  I am so worried I will do or say something that will make you speak to others about me, and lessen my chances of friendship even more.  It's happened before. 

People will say you should just be yourself.  But myself sits outside and puts leaves in her hair and thanks God for each one.  Myself tends to miss the bigger picture and gets caught up watching the ants building fortresses and the rain tearing them down.  Myself gets caught in thought and forgets it is the custom to speak to one's friends, not just enjoy their company.

Maybe I just consider friendship differently. 

Some of my dearest friends are those that I hardly ever speak to.  They are the ones that I watch and pray for.  My heart breaks for them; they never know.  My heart dances for them; they never see that either.

I love watching their journeys.  They probably will never know that I walk alongside them, asking God's protection, inspiration, joy, wisdom, guidance, anything and everything I think might help them.